he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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