You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
