she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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