WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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