I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
