did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
