Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
