I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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