The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I faked an abortion last night.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
