Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
