Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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