that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize