I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
