i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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