I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
