I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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