I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
