hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
