What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
