apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
