I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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