She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I enjoy the company of your penis
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
