Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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