I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
