So drunk, too bad you don't want this
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
