My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
