I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just had sex bonerless
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
