Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
