New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize