is wine microwaveable?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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