i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
