Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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