If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
