that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
