I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
