Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
