If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
