he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
