Non-Jews are for practice
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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