I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
