I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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