Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
