Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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