I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
home. puking in laundry basket.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
