if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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