We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
