im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
