either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
