dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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