you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
