Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
