She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize