His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
