I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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