My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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