Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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