Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
