I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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