if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Pooping to opera.
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