that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
