just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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