he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
