The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize