I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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