I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
