The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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