I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
