I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
