I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
