The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I need to stop coming to work sober
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
