Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
