I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
