Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
