I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
