she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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