So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
