either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
