highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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