Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
