dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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