Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
