i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just google imaged poop.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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