There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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