i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
