the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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