wakey wakey hands off snakey
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
