We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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