My friends, they love my intelligence
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
