Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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