Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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