I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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